


Who's House

by BookWyrm07



Series: A New Goal [10]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Harry Potter References, M/M, Theo Raeken Week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 14:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16725510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookWyrm07/pseuds/BookWyrm07
Summary: Stiles and Theo discuss the four houses of Hogwarts.





	Who's House

**Author's Note:**

> Theo Raeken Week Day Seven Dealer's Choice.

Stiles opened the small fridge. It was full of unlabeled brown bottles. “Hey Theo, how do you tell which ones have deadly poison?” 

“Easy, white caps are wolfsbane brew, and yellow caps are muggle beers,” the chimera answered as he set two large bowls of popcorn on the coffee table. “Also at the dosage in these, even drinking a full bottle would probably not be lethal. I'm about ninety eight percent sure you wouldn't die.”

“Wait!” Stiles’ voice rang with indignation, “did you just call me a muggle?”

The chimera smiled condescendly, “Did you suddenly develop abilities beyond a normal human?” Stiles opened his mouth, but Theo kept going before he could speak. “Can you shape shift? Predict the future? Did you develop superhuman strength or healing? No? Then you're a muggle.” He handed the young man a bottle with a yellow cap.

Lydia shot Theo an questioning look with one eyebrow raised. He gave another yellow capped bottle to the redhead. “The lady may not be a muggle, but it's safer if she drinks like one,” he said with a charming smile.

Liam came through the kitchen door, with pizza boxes in hand. “Why are we talking about muggles?” he asked. “Did Theo change the movie? I really don't want to sit through Half Blood Prince, again.”

“Half Blood Prince is a damn good movie,” Theo responded. “And no I didn't, but I wouldn't complain if we did. I haven't watched any of the movies this month.”

“Theo is a Potterhead?” Scott asked a big smile on his face. “That's kinda sweet,” nothing but honesty in his voice.

“That reaction, that is why you are a Hufflepuff, Scotty,” Stiles said pointing at his best friend. 

“Really, you think the pack Alpha is a Hufflepuff?” Theo asked, scoffing.

“Of course, have you met him? He's the most Hufflepuffy Hufflepuff that has ever Hufflepuffed.” He waved his arms as he got more emotionally invested. “Mason and Lydia are obviously our Ravenclaws, you and I are the Slytherins, Corey and Nolan are Hufflepuffs with Scott, Liam is a Gryffindor.”

“What about me?” Malia asked taking a white capped bottle from the fridge.

Liam said, “Slytherin.” At the same time Stiles said “Ravenclaw.” 

“Ravenclaw is for smart people,” Malia looked confused, I almost didn't graduate high school. I picked my major in college based only on what didn't have a math requirement.”

Stiles sounded annoyed, “Malia do you know what they call someone that skips from third grade to eleventh, and still finishes in two years?” 

“Uh...” she thought.

“A genius,” Stiles said definitively.

“I'm not arguing Malina’s intelligence, or that I'm a Slytherin, because those are obvious, but you really have no understanding of the houses at all, Stiles. Did you read the books or just watch the movies?” Theo asked the question like it was an insult. “If you read and understand the books, you know that the explanation of the houses the hat gives are really very simplified. It really isn't just about if you're brave or smart. The real question that determines your house is why you study magic, and how you plan to use it.

“Ravenclaw is for people who learn because knowledge is it's own reward. Magic should be studied because it's cool. 

“Slytherin is for those of us that see magic as something to be grabbed held on too, and hoarded. Only to be shared with those we deem worthy. 

“Hufflepuff see magic as a tool. Something they use to make life easier and everyone who can use it should have the option. They also believe in the importance of loyalty. Loyalty to the school, and each other kept many Hufflepuffs from escaping to the Hogshead during the Battle of Hogwarts

“Now Gryffindor, is the Spiderman house. With great power comes great responsibility. They believe that having magic means protecting those that can't protect themselves.” He looked around the room. “With the exception of me, Corey and Malia, every last one of you, assholes are fucking Gryffindors. If you weren't you wouldn't be pack.

“Corey and Malia are both Hufflepuffs, loyalty brought them into the pack.”

“Hey, Theo,” Stiles said smiling, “your geek is showing.”


End file.
